We've netted a Federation starship and her crew
by R-Alex-J
Summary: The events of the second half of Rascals explained. Comedic episode or not, it remains canon that two second-hand Birds-of-Prey defeated the Federation flagship and a few dozen pirates captured Starfleet's finest. So why did the pirates attempt this and what were the crew doing while the pirates had control of the Enterprise?
1. Chapter 1

2369, Stardate 46235.9, near Ligos VII

Morta trembled as he stepped onto the transporter pad with his comrade, Berik. Two years of an apprenticeship to Daimon Lurin came to this, about to beam over to the most heavily armed ship he'd ever seen and take the bridge. Two people to fight an entire bridge crew. Checking his phaser once more, he nodded to the former eliminator next to him and said, "Energize."  
Middle Manager Torz nodded and tapped the Klingon-made console of the transporter. As the red energy beam took hold of Morta, he wondered again why Daimon Lurin chose to buy two B'rel class Birds-of-Prey on the cheap from the Duras Sisters rather than just use the Marauder, despite the detailed explanation earlier. Still, Rule of Acquisition 62 said, "The riskier the road, the greater the profit."  
Suddenly, they were on the target bridge. Morta gasped as he saw the huge Klingon behind the wooden handrail and the white... person next to him. Hopefully, Line Workers Parlen and Rakor from the other ship would arrive soon.  
The more experienced fighter, Berik, told the Federation crew at gunpoint, "Put down your wespons."  
Morta swerved to one side as Berik ducked away from the phaser blast from the Klingon. Without hesitation, the former eliminator shot him the chest.  
Swerving around just in time, Morta saw the white man get up and about to hit him, but the Apprentice's gun stopped him. The Starfleet commander (3 pips so the briefings said) jumped downwards. Morta kept the white man covered as Berik ran over to the bearded human, but couldn't prevent him saying, "Computer, deactivate all command functions. Authorisation, Riker Omega Three."  
Morta groaned but then smiled internally as Parlen and Rakor burst through from a side door and covered the bridge crew from the back. Tapping his combadge and wondering if anyone was actually listening, Morta announced, "This is Morta. We have secured the Bridge. Begin transporting all able-bodied adults to the surface."  
As voices acknowledged and the sound of fellow renegades saying, "Come on, get up there. Up, up," Morta signalled to the Line Workers and told them to cover the bridge while Morta and he accessed the rear stations. As he walked over, he thought about how he got to be in such as situation.

* * *

3 Ferenginar months before  
Lurin put his book, Sedimentary Rocks on 30 Planets, down as he saw the Rog System come into view. Walking up the passenger liner's window, he hissed in delight as he saw that he'd see his old partner and friend again. Going to the back of his sparse, grey quarters, Lurin got his uniform ring and sharpened his teeth in the mirror. "Ah," he thought, "what have you done to deserve this, Bok?"  
Beamed down to the cave that passed for a visitor hall, Lurin immediately ran into the guard on duty, who demanded, "Prison is not cheap. Visiting time is 2 slips in advance and 1 bar per 15 minutes. Any funny business and you will receive a further fine of 5 bars. Pay up."  
Lurin shrugged and put 2 slips into the till by the transporter box. "Can I see Bok now?"  
The guard looked Lurin up and down, asking, "You are Daimon Lurin?"  
"So what if I am?"  
"Great geology book you wrote. What was it, Field Guide to Extraction?"  
"That's the one. Earned me enough for an upgraded D'Kora."  
"This way."  
Coming to a stalactite-filled passageway trying to avoid tripping over the pointy rocks below, Lurin found himself on one side of a transparent aluminium partition. On the other side was the heretic, the one who put revenge above profit. "Hello, Bok."

The heretic rolled his eyes and sat down on a stool. As Lurin did the same, Bok asked, "You still willing to visit me after what I did?"  
"Your contact with me said you have something to say?"  
"That's right. I want you to do something for me and I will recompense you for it."  
Lurin looked around. The guard was nowhere to be seen, but that didn't mean a thing. "You have a proposition?"  
"You used to be a mercenary during the Cardassian Wars?"  
"Yes, a gun runner. Sometimes, I actually had to use the guns."  
Bok nodded. "Very modest description. We all know you did more."  
"I'm just a plain, simple geologist, as I used to say."  
"Just like that tailor on Terok Nor. Listen, what do you know of my... transgression?"

Lurin quickly recalled all he knew. Bok's son, Flax, had died at the hands of a Federation officer, Picky or something. Lurin remembered when he first heard the news, as they'd arranged a deal for Flax to marry Lurin's daughter, Pinar. Lurin considered the deal written-off. How could it not be? For some reason though, Bok had paid the bridal fee anyway. Perhaps that should have been an early sign. Nonetheless, Lurin also knew that Bok had been captured in an attempt to use Picky's old starship in a revenge plot. He'd offered it for no price and cared not in the slightest about financial gain. One the crew of his marauder discovered this, they quickly threw Bok in the brig and contacted the FCA. The Trainee Liquidator nearby, Brunt, quite literally went ape.  
After all that, Lurin said, "You inverted our sacred rules. Put profit last."  
"Correct. I see that was a mistake, but I still want Picard to pay."  
Picard. So that was the name. "But I take it you want him to pay in a way that actually makes physical profit?"  
"Yes, for you anyway. If you give me enough to cover a year's worth of debt here, I'll give you the data needed for a handsome coup."  
Lurin nodded. "Yes, the fees they charge you for being locked up here. Can you give me a sample, a taster?"  
"Certainly. Picard's current ship, the _Enterprise_ , is..."

* * *

2 months later

"That's the price?" Morta asked as he looked over Lurin's shoulder, squinting in the dark, reddish, Klingon-built bridge.  
"Worth every slip," Lurin replied as he grinned and looked up the latest findings of valuable ore. "Any idea why we're using Klingon ships other than the cloak?"  
"So... we can pretend we're not Ferengi?"  
"Both to the target and to any third party observers. We'll keep the _Littner_ hidden and only use it if the situation becomes critical."  
The Apprentice Daimon sat opposite his boss at the helm console. "Daimon, I'm slightly worried about your idea. You say you will lure the target in by attacking people, letting them send a distress call, and then luring the target to wherever we are?"  
"That is correct. Full marks for memory."  
"What will we do with the people we attacked?"  
"Oh, them. I intend to find somewhere we can mine. I heard the Ligos System has vendarite deposits, something we can interest the Gorn with. The people can assist the automated equipment in extracting the ore."  
"How much will we pay them?"  
Lurin stood up and nearly threw his PADD at Morta, but slowly exhaled and relaxed himself. "Nothing. Obviously."  
Morta's jaw dropped. He nearly forgot everything else he'd just heard. "You plan to use slave labour?"  
"Not forever, just so the prisoners are occupied while we get the target ship operational. Then we can find anybody who has assets a potential buyer may want and give them to the customer with the ship."  
"But... Ferengi do not enslave anyone! It is... wrong."  
"Really? Since we're the only two people here, let me ask you a social question. What makes you think the Ferengi do not have slaves?"  
"Well, we don't! All historical evidence says we never had slavery!"  
"Apart from the assault on _Enterprise_ NX-01, there are plenty of examples. What would you call our females?"  
"Er, females?"  
"Slaves. I sold my daughter to another man, like a slave. We keep our women isolated and make them do things we'd rather not do, like slaves."  
"We only make them chew our food!"  
"We do a lot more, you know that. See? We have slaves. Ferengi enslave Ferengi. Any further problems?"  
Morta sat back. "No Daimon. When do we start the operation?"


	2. Chapter 2

3 weeks later

"That's enough practice," Berik said as he came back from the latest freighter attacked by Lurin's fleet. "We should go for a starship soon."  
"I agree," added Junior Manager Krunt, an engineering graudate with a specialty in transporters. "I don't think I can stand the smell of a Klingon ship for much longer."  
In the mess hall of the IKS Lukara, Lurin swallowed another mouthfull of crawling worms before replying, "I get your point."  
"You do?"  
"The Vorik is also having morale problems. Once I start my next shift, I'll set a course. I have chosen the Ligos System."  
"Why?" Doctor Borts, the chief medical officer, asked.  
"Vendarite ore."

That wasn't the whole truth. Lurin did not want anyone knowing his association with Bok, so kept that to himself. The real reason was that he had spent the past month keeping tabs on the news and other media, trying to locate the Enterprise. To his crew, they'd be fighting some random big ship, but Lurin had also spent time researching the Galaxy class starship, assessing possible weaknesses, and going over records of previous boardings of it. Lurin watched a recording of the Enterprise's mission to Rutia IV, where terrorists had boarded it. Lurin took frantic notes as he first saw that many of the crew in Main Engineering were unarmed and had to flee when the Ansata transported in and began shooting. He also noticed that if the engineer with his eyes covered hadn't taken that bomb off the warp core, the ship would have exploded. Bok told him that that engineer was in charge and called Geordi La Forge, who may be of great value as a prisoner. Laughing, the Daimon switched to the scenes on the bridge. Two terrorists transported in, a male on the left, a female on the right. The female immediately shot at the Klingon, who was apparently from a noble family and called Worf. Meanwhile, the male fired at the conn and ops consoles, but missed the crewmembers there. Lurin didn't know who the human in red was, but recognised the white man in yellow. He was called Data and was one of two Soong-type androids, so would be worth more as a prisoner than La Forge and Worf combined. For some reason though, Data just sat there as both Worf and the female fell after hitting each other, while Picard- the bald man apparently- gave the male a solid punch. Only as the two terrorists got themselves together did anyone even try to help Picard and by then it was too late. "Is it that easy?" Lurin wondered. "Even with a super-transporter, surely... he-he. Ha!"

The same applied to the recording from the Borg attack. A Borg drone beamed in and Worf shot it. Another one came in and the bearded man, Riker, tried grappling with him after the drone adapted to Worf's phaser. Unsurprisingly, the drone threw both Riker and Worf aside, while a third drone beamed in. Sticking her finger in Picard's ear, the third drone beamed out with the captain, along with the second drone. The first one, sprawled onto the floor, simply vanished. Again, that easy?  
Lurin knew however that his crew were not on the same level as the Borg or even the Ansata. They only had conventional weapons and transporters. What mattered was keeping the crew covered and hoping they'd rely on Worf or whoever was on duty protecting them and having slow reaction skills.  
The next problem was getting the shields down. Still, Lurin had a plan for that...

* * *

Stardate 46235.9  
As the Line Workers led the bridge crew out, Lurin began to feel giddy. He'd won! Feeling the need to sit and relax, he stepped around the tactical railing and dropped down into the captain's chair. What a shame he'd have to sell the ship, but he simply did not have the crew to operate it long-term, only enough to deliver it to a buyer. Sat on the ops console chair, held at gunpoint, Riker stared at the Daimon, shaking his head. Lurin could guess what he was feeling, but had a more pressing concern, though not as pressing as getting the computer unlocked. If Riker was in command, where was Picard? Every last report said that Picard was in command, but there was no sign of him. Without Picard, Lurin would still earn tons of latinum from the vendarite and the sale of the ship, but satisfying Bok's vendetta and giving his friend peace of mind would at least make Bok think clearly again, allow him to return to normal society and become another customer... and competitor, but never mind.  
"Daimon?" Morta asked suddenly. "We have control of most of the ship and are rounding up the children and adults. Orders?"  
"Hmmm? Get him in the ready room. On the surface, put the senior staff in the holding pen. As for any adults still aboard, do your best to capture them but if they're still aboard when we leave, we can let our customer deal with them. As for the rest, you know what to do." Lurin got up and headed off toward's the office, thinking again how his idea of randomly remodulating the disruptors and overloading the torpedos had allowed his second-hand junk ships to overwhelm the Federation flagship. The Littner, no longer needed, had already loaded up some of the extracted vendarite ore mined by the science team and the DB4 machines and departed under the command of Senior Manager Kraja. Oh, what a day...

* * *

In the tunnels of Ligos VII

Standing over the inert bodies of the Ferengi guards, Geordi and the 6 crewmembers with him fanned out, holding their recently acquired phasers in their hands. Geordi didn't know what happened but suspected O'Brien, having been forced to operate the transporter, had programmed the transporter to beam them to somewhere other than where the Ferengi had wanted, amongst the guards rather than in front of them. "OK, people," he called out. "Rescue everyone else. Don't hesitate to shoot if you have to."  
"Commander," someone asked. Geordi turned around and saw it was Lieutenant Paula. "Where's Commander Data?"  
"Data? I don't know. Why do you ask?"  
"It's just that if he's been captured, with what he knows and..."  
"Yes, it could be bad. Very bad. Right, let's just find as many of our crew as possible, arm them, and find a way out."  
"I can hear a DB4 mining machine to the left," Ensign Siggurdson said.  
"I'll go there first." Gerodi picked two more crewmembers to go with him, but also thought about what Paula said. Where was Data?

* * *

Above Ligos VII

O'Brien, Jae, and Data materialised onto a transporter pad, their arrival witnessed by a pair of Ferengi guards. Before those guards could so anything, Jae had shot them both. "We're in, Commander," Jae said as she glanced over the IKS Lukara's transporter console.  
"Thank you, Ensign," Data replied as he directed O'Brien to join her. "I'll cover the door while you two work here."  
"Sir," O'Brien said, "do you think my wife and girl are safe?"  
"I find it probable that the Ferengi would keep them unharmed to use as levarage against Commander Riker, so I would conclude that they are."  
Tapping a few buttons and banging the console's frame, Jae announced, "I've disabled their entire transporter system. Only I can control it now."  
"Only you?" O'Brien replied. "What if someone shoots you? Programme me in."  
"Aye, sir. Chief, what did you do with Geordi?"  
"When the Ferengi told me to transport people down, they gave me a set of coordinates. Since they couldn't work the thing themselves, unlike everyone else who I've ever met, I assumed they couldn't read Standard. Bit of a risk, I grant you, but I wanted to beam everyone from Transporter Room 3 amongst the guards, where they could attack and steal their weapons, not in front where they'd be helpless. Data, what about you?"  
"As the Ferengi told us to get in the turbolifts, I calcultated that I could steal at least one phaser rifle if I hit one of the pirates in the right place. I did."  
"I was there," Jae added as she stood aside to let O'Brien input his pattern. "I gave the other one a kick to the..."  
"I hear something. Take cover."  
Jae and O'Brien ducked behind alcoves as three Ferengi crewmembers walked in, discussing a problem with a DB4 on the surface. Suddenly, they stopped, the Line Manager muttering something about hearing something.

Without warning, Data shot them all and ordered O'Brien and Jae that to leave the room. "We will head to engineering. With their transporters disabled and lacking shuttles, they cannot leave the ship except with escape pods. We have trapped them."  
"We can't get off either," O'Brien replied as he opened a Jefferies Tube hatch.  
"Then we had better succeed in our mission. We will disable this ship and render it harmless. We should also ensure that the crew is in a similar state."  
"Gas?" Jae asked as she climbed into the tube first.  
"If needed. However, Ferengi are sensitive to high-pitched noises and..."  
"I'll hack the comms."  
"Very good, Ensign."


	3. Chapter 3

30 minutes after boarding the _Lukara_

"Target acquired," O'Brien said from the tactical console of the _Lukara's_ bridge. Lit up on the targeting scanner was none other than the IKS _Vorik_. "Wings lowered."  
"We're not discovered yet," Jae reported from communications as she monitored what the other second-hand Bird-of-Prey was doing.  
"Fire," Data ordered, sat by the helm console.  
As the _Lukara_ passed over the _Vorik_ , bright green bolts of plasma burst out of the disruptor cannons. Two photon torpedoes joined the fusillade. Almost immediately, the Vorik burst apart, the explosion dying out as the oxygen aboard dispersed.  
"Enemy ship destroyed," O'Brien announced. "Now what?"  
"Target the _Enterprise_."  
"Aye...sir."  
"Commander!" Jae said suddenly. "Signal from Commander Riker."  
"Onscreen," Data said. "Commander?"  
"Hello, Data," Riker said from the Enterprise bridge. "We have retaken the ship. We have most of the Ferengi trapped in Transporter Room 3 and the rest in the brig."  
"Acknowledged, sir. Do you have any orders for us?"  
"Begin recovery operations of our crew and signal to all nearby Starfleet vessels what our situation is."  
"On it," Jae said.  
"We will begin operations now," Data confirmed. "Anything else?"  
"That's all, Commander. Riker out."  
"Thanks, Data," Geordi said as he stepped off the Lukara's main transporter pad. "You have control of this ship?"  
"I have confined the crew to quarters and the brig," Data said as he helped a limping Ensign Russell sit down on the pad. "Geordi, where are the other senior staff?"  
"I found Worf sedated and locked up in a cell. They didn't want him loose, I guess. Counsellor Troi was in a similar cell and I think all senior staff would have gone in them."  
"What about Dr Crusher?"  
"No idea. None of us saw her, so either we missed her and she's still on the planet or she was never there."Data looked down, his head turning from one side to another. Tapping his combadge, he said, "Data to Jae. Ensign, contact the _Enterprise_ and ask if Dr Crusher is aboard."  
"Aye, sir," Jae replied. "Commander, Dr Crusher never left the _Enterprise_. She says she and Nurse Ogawa held out in the secondary sickbay, refusing to leave Lieutenant Wallace during his leg operation. They say there's a pile of unconcious Ferengi just outside the door and the Jefferies Tubes. Mr Barclay helped."  
"I see. Please tell Commander Riker that we will begin transporting crew back aboard now."

* * *

2 hours later

Restored to adult form after hours as a 12-year old, Picard asked Riker to speak to him in his ready room in private. Riker, having been hugged and called 'Dad' by Picard, grinned as he left the bridge and followed the Captain inside. He stopped grinning once he saw Picard's expression.  
"Number One," the captain began, "while I commend your assistance in retaking the ship and for that nonsense you gave Morta, both Starfleet and myself have expressed... concerns... over how this happened in the first place. As Admiral Nechayev asks, can you tell me how you, in the most heavily armed ship in the fleet, could not beat off a pair of  
second-hand Birds-of-Prey?"  
Riker gulped. It had come to this. Asking for permission to sit and having received it, Riker sat down in his usual leg-over-chair way and replied, "I don't know, sir. We kept up a continuous phaser barrage, but those ships just seemed, well, designed to attack us. It was as though it wasn't a random hijacking but they were deliberately after a Galaxy  
class starship. They may even have been after us specifically."  
"I see. Did they have anything that would prevented us from blowing them out of the sky, so to speak?"  
"Anaylsis of the surviving ship suggests that they had some kind of ECM system aboard, preventing us from locking on properly. We could only score glancing blows."  
"Very well," Picard muttered. "Starfleet also wants to know how the pirates captured what they believed to be Starfleet's best crew until recently, and enslaved them."  
"They had their weapons trained on us," Riker replied. "You saw the footage. Berik & Morta had us all at gunpoint. Berik himself and shot Worf."  
"Commander, what we're worried about is that is was so easy. We are too dependant on Worf in my opinion. I think I'll introduce some training for dealing with boarding parties. But what about the rest of the ship?"  
"The Ferengi didn't take the whole ship. The impulse engine rooms, Ten Forward, the secondary saucer sickbay, the battle bridge, and Shuttlebay 1 remained under our control. Even as you and Ro were running around playing It, there were prolonged phaser battles throughout the Enterprise. We could have retaken the ship without your  
intervention. I think."  
"Well, Number One, I'll inform Starfleet of your statement. However, I should inform you that until further notice, they will not be considering you for promotion to captain and giving you your own command. Not until you've restored their trust in you,"

* * *

Rog Prison, Stardate 46240.2

"LUUUURRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Bok said as he read about the latest news. "Fool! Sitting around reading Shakespeare plays in Picard's ready room!"  
The ex-Daimon slammed the walls of his cell, screaming. The padd the news came in on suffered a full grown adult jumping up and down on it, but the manufacturers, Miceu, build things to last. Vengeance... so close... but didn't happen.  
"Any damage will cost you more money," the guard said calmly, "plus a flogging. We'll charge you for that as well."  
"I have a better idea," Bok whispered as he knelt down as composed himself. "Not a great place living underground, right? How'd you like to go on a little adventure? I'll give you 100 bars personally if you find a reason to let me go."  
"100 bars? Done."


End file.
